Solid, scientific and eminently readable

Shelley Taylor has pulled off a coup, integrating scientific research with anecdotes from her own life and translating academic jargon into readable prose.

Men and women differ in the way they respond to stress. After a hard day's work, men want to be alone; women spend more time with the children. And it is this tending instinct that keeps a society together and makes individuals healthier.

Men and women differ in other ways that influence social interaction, says Taylor. Men's groups are more hierarchical, women's more informational. Married men live longer than single men, and women fare better during times of major crisis, such as the dissolution of the Communist bloc.

Another key theme: Nurturing is essential to well-being. A nurturant parent can override genes that would predispose a child toward aggression, depression or other disorders.

Much of what Taylor writes will not seem radically new, but cumulatively, chapter to chapter, she builds a case for recognizing the importance of nurturing and the style of interaction known as traditionally female.

Because Taylor is a psychologist, rather than sociologist, it's not surprising that she omits suggestions and implications. Many well-educated citizens, for instance, resent payments to welfare mothers, yet Taylor's findings emphasize that paying women to nurture their children can save millions of dollars by keeping those children out of the criminal justice system.

A sociologist could point out that in fact tending seems to be punished by society. "Nurturant" occupations, such as teaching and social work, typically pay less than more aggressive occupations, such as policing. In medicine, surgeons make the most while pediatricians and psychiatrists earn the least, on average.

Taylor also ignores outliers -- the non-nurturing female and the nurturing male. -- who occupy ambivalent roles in many societies. And while she says that friends will become the most important social relationship, as we move farther from families, I find that friendship bonds often are formed based on family status. A married but childless woman says, "People my age are having babies!" and I say, "Women my age are getting visits from the grandchildren!"

As an academic, Taylor herself anticipates comments on what's working and what's missing, and she has made an exceptionally strong contribution here. I am recommending this book to readers who want to learn more about stress as well as those who are fascinated by the eternal "how men differ from women" puzzle.

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Mrs. Mankind

If you have ever wondered about how the other half of the sky copes with stress! If you have ever given any thought to the science of anthropology & how it has neglected the study of how women look at life. If you have had this needling question that "What if society is a lie?" & couldn't find any answers...then this book's for you, because Shelley E. Taylor asked a seemingly innocuous question which unearthed a fascinating idea!

THE TENDING INSTINCT is a powerful, transformative read. It deals with both old & new ideas about community, society, morality & how women & men think about their lives, how we interact & cope with stress.

Very good stuff! Well written, well-researched, informative & everso interesting. You will find yourself nodding & saying "Of course! I knew that!"

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Redressing the balance

When Darwin wrote that man attains "a higher eminence, in whatever he takes up, than can woman - whether requiring deep thought, reason, or imagination, or merely the use of the senses and hands," he was echoing what had been known to be true since the time of Aristotle. Taylor explains clearly and with compelling authority why this traditional viewpoint is so wide of the mark.

In marketing, the discipline in which I work it is quite evident that the world of consumer commerce revolves around the tending and befriending instincts of woman. Taylor grasps the fundamental principles of marketing better than all the commonly used textbooks. The reason is they all start out from the Darwinian perspective that humans are at core selfish. If the human brain was a computer that was programmed by evolution then the dog-eat-dog perspective might be tenable. However mammals tend their young - they have to, so the urge to nurture is a necessary part of human nature. Taylor makes it abundantly clear that it is a feminine trait - not masculine.

This book is excellent at explaining the connection between befriending and stress. It makes an excellent companion book to Hrdy's book "Mother Nature," an anthropologist, also from UCLA, that explains more details about lactation and mothering.

For woman readers this book should be inspiring and validating. For men... well it is sobering and in spots embarassing.

Thank you Shelley!

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